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    Head so faithfully fitted to my palm

    nose to the breastbone, on my lap you sigh and

    press toward shadows under the chin.

    Gathering yourself between my breasts you

    press on anxiously out of the light,

    some burrow-seeking instinct leading

    your nose into my armpit,

    piebald ears spread against my shirt

    like wings of a giant moth.

    Your brother curls on my lap,

    half lame but twice as strong

    front paws punching my legs

    in a furious little dance

    as he barks at a flicker of light, each bark

    throwing him upwards with its force.

    Agitated, he has no use for my lap, wishes

    for Down, for Out as paw beats quicken

    and barks meander into questioning whines.

    I set him on the floor, and propelled

    by some hunting, he-dog spirit

    he is off, dragging his rear legs behind him,

    too determined and headstrong for pity.

    It is only you, pressing desperately deeper towards

    darkness and the beat of my heart,

    who is damaged beyond repair.





    That wall                                                                                 dancing night wall

    That fear                                                                                              to be ignored

    Entanglement, mesh bright hot wire                            beautiful darkness

    Pressure up above the ears                                                      two aspirin

    Hearing you not falling                                                           ignorance is bliss

    Into the net                                                                              swung by the moon

    Strange fish                                                                 comforting sameness, community

    White bladder poking                                                  buoyancy

    Out of its mouth                                                          dead

    By the hundredweight all-familiar                               in droves they came, a multitude

    Again                                                                          disease in stasis

    Stupid cunt in the net                                                   history repeats itself

    Again                                                                          history repeats itself

    Buzz buzz can’t feel what I mean                                brain gripped in truth

    Can’t see what is real                                                              your lies

    Can’t feel.                                                                                My lies

    Anger so slow                                                             erupting on my face

    So afraid                                                                      doors 

    Anger anger                                                                I haven’t entered

    Eat me up anger                                                                       preoccupied with it

    Biting, raging anger red white                                                 save it savor it

    Anger pushing out anger                                                         be gone

    Throwing up anger                                                                  out with it

    Extruding hot steaming anger                                      no more bullshit

    Blind anger lava anger                                     hitting wildly

    Cell consuming anger                                                  condensing

    Melting anger                                                              evaporating

    Get the fuck away from me anger and I am used to it close tolerances

    The way it came out,                                                   quality control

    Turds of words chipping                                                         can’t change him

    Sly obsidian words transforming hate words                          doesn’t even listen

    Imagining words                                                         denial

    Some other life growing words                                   alternatives

    Constructing words nets                                                         safety, sanity

    Nets of words to fall into                                                        creativity

    Hot and blind                                                                          processing

    Caught in the net                                                                     transforming

    Words/poems like fish bladders                                              uplifting

    Caught in the throat as I rise from the depths                          ironic

    You                                                                                         consistent

    Giant beneath the sea                                                               omniscient

    White, huge, primordial                                                           entropic

    Never caught, mythological you                                              generations

    Plath’s mother you                                                                  atavistic

    Monster you                                                                            enraging





     Wounded dark congealed night

                                            Thick tissue black

    Scabbed with fight

    Up from the South

    Borne howling up

    Leg ripped, white eyed

    Out-alpha-ed shit-scared

    Flat-eared damage dog,



    I bid you rip my heart

    I am the abuser

    And the lover both,

    Agape in horror

    Yet drawn to forge

    That silent secrecy,

    That slow Faulkner

    Destiny, a burial grown

    Monstrous with damnation

    And a wily urge to murder.


    From the weak I wring


    And gasoline.


    This is American,

    This partaking of harm

    And plates of flesh

    And this slow dessert

    Of shame and love.

    What a peptic rhapsody

    My murders have been,


    Or was it banjo twangs

    Of guilt beneath the guise of


    Touching lightly death’s face

    My own, others, the helpless

    Animals who did not outlive

    My self-absorbed misery;

    And yet I did not suffer--

    I lived righteous as any gas-guzzler

    Of the North who says he is no





    If I believed you

    Came with the all the great gifts of

    Love and what else a man offers

    To others and the world

    If I believed you could change

    In summer or winter

    In the dark or the light days

    In the company of others or alone

    If I believed that good things are created

    Between and for and by us

    It would matter greatly.

    But I will not be part of this entropy

    Where leaves keep falling

    --Summer always in aftertaste;

    Winter forever impending--

    And the temperature is resolutely 37 degrees.

    While perched on this perimeter of light

    This slice of meridian, this present time

    Of budding and dying and tides turning

    I feel the burning and quenching of the hours

    And rejoice that you have gone.




    I flip you

    Neat package, tucked flesh

    Twirl you

    Into my sweet tap cut of love

    Flicking off the chips with my tongue

    Standardized, fulfillment.