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    Saturday
    May122012

    Classified and Confidential Opportunities for Laughter

    House Staging for Real Estate Co.

    Foreclosed homes need to be "devalued" to fit current demand for 

    lower priced housing. Remove features such as: central air, crown molding, 

    whirl pool tub. Install: vinyl trim, pressboard paneling, hollow core doors.

    Full/Part time depending on market demands. 

     

    Brand New Business Degree?

    We need you at our large franchise. Salaried position for new college

    graduates who can apply textbook management models to chaotic 

    fast food business. Take charge of workforce of disillusioned dropouts with 

    leadership skills dreamed up by gold-digging academics. Real life experience

    not necessary. Please, recent graduates ONLY!

    Poets Needed Immediately!

    Water Department seeking poetic pablum to sooth sewerage plant workers. 

    Seasonal position. Must provide uplifting, inspirational poetry using traditional sonnet form.

    Free verse considered ONLY if applicant has been anthologised by a major publishing house.

    NO small press, letter press, chap book, translations, etc etc. Compose, transcribe, recite.

    Ability to lift up to 50 lbs, TIG weld, a plus.

    Performing Arts Degree? 

    Hungry? Provide theatrical distraction in fine dining establishments for cast and crew filming

    a new documentary on obtaining free meals. Must have reliable 9 passenger van or bus, good credit, no latex allergies, and ability to travel  at large.